Cards. 3:29:57 PM 12/14/2010
I got < 4 hours of sleep last night. So naturally, I started thinking of things I hate (like not getting enough sleep). The following things really grind my gears.

I was driving behind a truck today and saw the standard warning sign:

"This vehicle makes wide right turns."

I have never understood this. The truck makes wide right turns, but it's pretty good at left turns? Why do they specify right turns only? Why don't they just say that it makes wide turns? I demand a reason. Man, I hate that.

The next thing I hate even more. Back in 1993, some group launched some ads that said "Got milk?". It must have worked well, because now every advertisement says it except they replace "milk" with whatever they want. Let me be clear here. This is not in any way, shape, or form clever. It is so horking overdone that I hate it more than white elliptical bumper stickers with three ambiguous letters in the center.

Finally, since we are in the Christmas season, I got to thinking about what gifts I still need to get for people. And that led me to think about cards. I really dislike cards. They don't inspire the same amount of rage as overused advertising slogans or signs on trucks; they are more useless than they are infuriating.

When I was much younger, my dad always made us kids give stupid horking cards (in addition to presents) on people's birthdays and junk. Being a kid, I couldn't drive and had no money, so getting one from a store was not an option. Still, the card was a mission-critical requirement - more important than the gift or possibly even the entire holiday (barely an exaggeration). That left me with one option: to crudely craft a crappy card. I always hated doing it because, firstly, it required a nonzero quantity of effort, which sux. But secondly, and more importantly, it just felt stupid. I felt like the end product was just childish and looked like a two-year-old had found a crayon. I'm not an artist, and I was even less of one as a kid. But still, the cards were a steadfast requirement, so I endured the embarrassment.

However, even now that I am no longer resigned to forced artistry, I still dislike cards. First, let me say that if you send one to a friend or relative that you will not be seeing during the holiday season, that's fine. I think that's their intended use. What I don't understand is giving a card to someone right in front of you. All Christmas cards essentially say the same thing:

"Merry Christmas. I appreciate that you are a friend and/or member of my immediate or extended family. I wish generally good things for you and all applicable family members."

That's all very nice, but if the person is right in front of you, why do you need a horking card to convey that junk? Anything a stupid card can say, you can say. Plus it just feels awkward to have people read your crappy card right in front of you. They are scrutinizing both your selection of card and your mandatory handwritten message. These form your aggregate score of overall familiarity, which will be evaluated. You are being judged.


Anyway, for those two reasons, I don't do cards. End of story.

3 responses to "Cards."

    12/14/2010 4:14:20 PM
Agreed on the card front. They are rather pointless if the reciepient is physically present.

As far as the "wide right turns" signs, they have to do with the fact that a sharp right is a much more difficult turn than a sharp left. When turning left they have a whole lane between them and their turn (not taking into account one way streets) so they have plenty of room to turn.

When turning right the corner gets in the way so they may go left of center (or into a left turn lane) just to turn right. As a result they want people behind them to know not to pull up on their right side when they are turning right. There may be room to the right but the truck will be cutting it off (and possibly smashing the car) when they eventually turn right.

It's a fair warning.
    12/14/2010 6:24:24 PM
I understand how the right turn works, but from what I have seen, the left turns are just as bad. Even with the extra lane, the truck still has to pull way out so that it doesn't cut into the wrong side of the road.
    1/5/2011 8:01:35 PM
Pic of a wide right turn:

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