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10/30/05

Top Ten Things I Hate About AIM Profiles and Away Messages

Introduction

Over the past few years, I have grown to hate a lot of things about people's profiles and away messages. Some things just irk me. The following are the top ten things that I have come to hate more than anything else. Don't worry: if you have one of these in your profile or away message, I don't hate you. Or at least that's what you should believe.

#10: Those stupid AIM smilies

I hate those stupid faces. Anything that they symbolize can easily be said with words. However, there is one face that I like because it can mean almost anything you want. And I'm not even going to bother putting it in here, since most people already know which one it is, anyway.

#9: Little ASCII designs surrounding words

As if the word were not emphasized enough by the bright color and ginormous size, people (girls) feel they need to encase the whole deal in these wavy lines made from various characters. Example: '*-,.,-*'*-,. Oh, now I see the word!

#8: Away messages that consist of: "away" or "."

The purpose of an away message is to inform compulsive away message checkers (CAMCs) of what you are doing. Simply writing "away" or "not here" is redundant: the fact that you have an away message up already implies this. And then, there is the period. Clearly this person couldn't be bothered to write a coherent away message. Why did he or she even bother to put one up at all?

#7: Some deep, profound statement about life

We've all seen these stupid quotes in people's profiles - the ones that are supposed to make us try our best and whatever else. Example: "Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching." They all sound the same to me: worthless.

#6: Away messages that stay up for weeks

Not many people are guilty of this, however, there are a select few that do this perpetually. I don't see the appeal of permanently having an away message up. It tends to lose its effect when the away message has been up for 3 weeks straight. If you want something to be there for a while, then put it in your profile.

#5: "I <3 (insert name)."

What is the deal with that? You don't love the person; you "heart" him/her? What does it mean to "heart" someone? And if it means something along the lines of love or like or whatever, then why not write that instead? This is all too common.

#4: "Call my cell phone."

This phrase tends to get tacked onto the end of away messages. EVERY away message. Clearly, the person wants to be called every few seconds on his or her cell phone. Why? Does it make the person feel special? If I am ever tricked or forced into getting a cell phone, I'm going to put up a fake number in my away message and beg people to call it.

#3: "Sorry, I ran out for a bit!"

Ooh! This person is 1337 because they don't use AIM! Either they want people to know this, or, more likely, they are too lazy to put up a worthwhile away message. This away message ranks about the same as "away" or "."

#2: AlTeRnAtInG cApS

WHY!? What could possibly possess someone to commit this atrocity? It hurts my eyes just to look at it. Using alternating caps pretty much screams "Everything I write is pointless and/or worthless." Usually, you put up an away message so that others can read it and see what you are up to. This is certainly a step in the wrong direction.

#1: Song lyrics

Here we go. 99.9% of people that use AIM or an AIM-compatible program are guilty of this. The person is trying to do one of two things. The first is try to sound deep and convey something through the song lyrics. The problem? They fail miserably. It's not worth my time to try to decipher what the person is trying to say. And if it's not worth my time (a compulsive away message checker's), then forget about anyone else. If you want people to read your profile, then make it understandable. The second goal is usually used when the person is in a profile fight with someone else. The person doesn't want the whole world to know, so he or she has to disguise it in the form of lyrics. I wonder how long it takes to hunt for lyrics that sort of say what you are trying to say. Here's a solution: type what you want to say, or better yet, don't have stupid profile fights.

So, that's it. I hope I entertained you for a minute or two. Remember, there are very few that have avoided all of these pitfalls. Everyone makes mistakes.
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